Your road to self-empowerment

My Inner Child Was in Charge of My life Without Me Knowing. It Was Time For New Management.

October 13, 2022.Merijn Duchatteau
There is always one moment in childhood when the door opens and lets the future in.Graham Greene

For some kids this didn’t work too well. They wanted more guidance. More structure. For me, however, it was perfect.

A cool kid

How my childhood sneakily shaped my future

What was a great feeling at the time, subconsciously turned into an unhealthy obsession throughout my adulthood. In everything that I did, I was no longer satisfied with a participation medal. Nor was I satisfied with coming in second. I had to be the best. I had to be number one. Anything below that? It felt like losing.

Whether it was sports, gaming, my studies, social skills or relationships, I developed an insane drive to learn everything I could about the subject. To practice it as much as I could and to excel in any way possible. At one point in my life I got into philosophy and came across the concepts of Buddhism and Daoism. Specifically, concepts in the realm of ‘letting go of desires to achieve peace of mind’ really resonated with me. Ironically, I did everything in my power to become the best at letting go of any desire.

I’m sure I don’t have to tell you how that panned out.

In essence, I learned that humor = people leave me the hell alone.

Person holding his hand up

My inner child was managing my life, but I never appointed him as the leader

So what happens when you put all that together? You get an overconfident adult that is unable to deal with losing and self-imposes overly high expectations, that also has difficulty letting go of desires and has no clue how to deal with people who overstep (unidentified) boundaries.

Hey. Nice to meet you.

Appointing new management

After I became conscious of this impact, I was able to have an honest look at my own patterns and their origins. For each of my patterns, I was then able to decide — this time consciously — whether that was something that was still useful for me right now, or whether I wanted to let go of it.

So. Who’s actually in charge of your life right now?